Fashion WTF: All Signs Point to Bad Taste

Lindsay’s career may be “back on track,” but her fashion choices are as poor-planned as ever. At a recent event celebrating her current Paper magazine cover, Linds showed up decked out like a Wall Street trader on top, with a fugly skirt surely deemed by someone close to her as cutting edge. Perhaps it was created by her pal Jeremy Scott, the fashion designer who shot the cover, but we have no idea, as all our clothes are from last year’s sale rack at Old Navy. Yet while our garb may be shabby, our eye for bad fashion is not. LiLo’s ensemble is an ensembleghhhhh.

CSI: La Lohan Morgue Edition

Lindsay Lohan will never drive drunk get caught drunk driving again. She’s about to be scared straight thanks to her court-ordered punishment for all that drunk driving and coke rage last summer. Lindsay will be spending two days working at a morgue, followed by two days working in a hospital emergency room. Sounds like she might want to leave her leggings at home and rock some scrubs for a week! We did a little research and Google image searched ‘morgue,’ and holy sh*t was that a bad idea. If we can freak out just from a couple of thumbnail-sized pics, we have a feeling Lindsay is gonna be quakin’ in her Louboutins. At least she gets to be scared in fancy shoes.

Hey Lindsay - Your Old Hair Called, It Wants You Back

We get it Lindsay, you’re a movie star. You’re Marilyn Monroe and Brigitte Bardot’s love child. But something ain’t right. Yellow plastic isn’t a good look for you, and frankly, we liked the luxurious red locks better. You remember - your natural hair color, but dyed to make it look even better. So here’s some photographic evidence for you to take a look at. Go ahead, decide for yourself. But let us ask just one thing - would you rather look like a Housewife of Orange County OR would you rather have orangey-red hair? The choice is yours (and is obvious).

PS - You might want to try out another pose other than ‘bitch face’. Kisses!
PPS - We’ll talk about the fake tan next week.

What Else Can We Sue Lindsay Lohan For?

Remember when Linds got all coked up, stole a car with some dudes in it and almost ran her assistant and her mom off the road? Well now that mom, Tracie Rice, is suing her ass, and the stuff she is claiming is kind of hilarious. We’re sure the ride was traumatic, but was it really bad enough to require medication? Aside from losing her job (say what?!) and therefore her $75,000 a year income, Lindsay’s rage has also cost her:

* $3500 on therapy ($175 per visit)
* $400 on a medical doctor
* $145 for a chiropractor visit
* $100 on “medicine” (er, you mean cocaine?)

But surely there are other things she could add on to make LiLo pay for them, right? How about:

* $300 worth of leggings (to look like the star she’s suing)
* $2000 on tanning sessions (see above)
* $350 on tabloid subscriptions (she’s gotta keep up with Lindsay’s whereabouts!)

Go for it Tracie!

Lindsay Lohan Should Make a Sex Tape

One of Lindsay Lohan’s Italian one-night-stands has spilled the beans to the British tabloids (what took him so long?) and it’s hot in the trashiest of ways. It’s no secret that LiLo likes to bone, and we love a girl who’s got no shame when it comes to her horniness. As her conquest tells it, Lindsay is living La Dolce Vita Vagina, and we’re happy to go along for the ride. Some choice quotes:

“Lindsay was very, very good and surprisingly experienced. She wanted to do everything, every position. She was extremely flexible and adventurous.” Unlike her dude, we are not surprised at her experience. We have Wilmer Valderrama to thank for that.

“She was wearing mismatched under-wear—a black bra with emerald green French knickers. But they came off too. Naked, she took my breath away.” Lindsay’s bod gives someone else an asthma attack!

“To be honest I felt a bit intimidated. I was with Lindsay Lohan. But I took off my clothes and we started to make love. And then it was just like two ordinary people making love. It was very passionate and intense and lasted for 1 hours, maybe more.” Or until she blacked out from all that vodka.
“She adored kissing and never wanted to stop—no matter what we were doing. We had safe sex, and afterwards she cuddled up to me and we went to sleep.” So she could have sweet dreams of doing other Italian dudes.

Lindsay Lohan Loves Her Some Bubbly

We know who killed Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety (and her career) - she did. Video (see above) has turned up of our favorite man-eater chugging some champagne on New Year’s Eve, and her lawyer has even confirmed the slip-up. Oops! Blair Berk said, “The good news was that Lindsay stopped herself that night, called her sponsor, and got herself immediately back on track. There is no magic cure here. The most unfortunate part of this is that Lindsay has to share her ‘one day at a time’ with the entire world.”

We’d rather her stop sharing her ‘one old dude at a time’ make out fest with the entire world. Please?