Adam Sandler: Leave Tom Cruise Alone!

Funnyman Adam Sandler wants everyone to back off Tom Cruise. After a couple of videos leaked last week depicting Cruise wild-eyed, hysterical and proselytizing the merits of Scientology, Cruise has come under further attack, with “actor” Jerry O’Connell making videos in his free time (which we’re imagining is plentiful) and Cruise being used as a cultural punchline. But Adam Sandler, who’s not exactly known for his cultural sensitivity, is asking everyone to cut it out. “To see anyone’s private life invaded and mocked like this is sickening,” Adam Sandler told People. “It’s especially gross when it happens to a guy like Cruise, who’s a great dad, a great husband, and a great friend.”

While we applaud Sandler’s altruism, and agree that celebrities are people too, we’d like to point out that Tom Cruise is insane, and Sandler’s been responsible for a few mocking portrayals in his time. Below, we’ve come up with a list of folks who could have used some of Sandler’s compassion before he decided to mock them:

Civil Unions
The Mentally Disabled
Vampires
Kids with Trust Funds
Rob Schneider
Golfers
Wedding Singers