Brit Released from Hospital, Romances Pap

We’re not totally sure how it’s possible for one woman to create a gajillion news stories in one day, but Britney Spears seems to be capable of doing just that. So let’s break down the Brit report into two easy categories to try to simplify this mess.

1. What shocked us: Brit tested clean for drugs and alcohol. Turns out Britney’s just really just high on life!

2. What didn’t shock us:

* Where to begin? How about with Dr. Phil? He of course got involved in the drama and then took a beating in the press after it was alleged he arrived unannounced and freaked the freak (Britney) out. He cleared his name this morning and says her fam wanted him there, in true trashy fashion.
* Britney was released early from the hospital. Because celebrities can do whatever they want, no matter how crazy they may be. Lucky!
* Kevin is “freaked out” by Brit’s release and is stocking up on security. The Fedster continues to prove he is way smarter than his outfit choices make him look.
* X17 is accusing Britney’s paparazzi boyfriend of trying to sell his stories - and pics - to news agencies for $5 million dollars! And here we thought he was just interested in making a new friend.
* Brit doesn’t seem to care, and she’s been spotted in Santa Barbara shopping and kissing her new man. Oh, and some video shows Britney on her hotel balcony not wearing pants - the least shocking news of all.
* Sources tell TMZ that her family is desperately trying to get Britney into mental hospital to deal with her (alleged) bi-polar disorder. Maybe they should have thought of this like, four years ago when they were all living the good life off of her cash.